Deadlock!

It gives me pain realizing that
I have made someone sad,
Why do i tend to defy expectations?
well, for that, I am mad,
I fail to express, in order to suppress
and keeping it all just to me,
making others often feel
how indifferent I can be,
Don't know what comes on to me
I always end up doing the same,
and later when i think over
it's for the sloppiness, i feel insane,
Just like that, letting things slip by
without making any special effort,
a day will come when everyone around
will find a reason to avert,
It's horrid to think of it at times
bearing all the pain,
and there i find myself
stuck in the loop again.

Aloof

“Alone”-the word that always used to make me scare,

Didn’t know with time, that is what I’ll have to bear,

Loneliness is all that is there around me,

Memories are, with a full swing, on flee,

No-one is there who can share or care,

Sense of belongingness, has become something rare,

With all new faces and all new places,

Life is running thru its different races,

Looking back at the time, when we were all together,

I regret, for not being able to let them know how much they matter,

Now that the time has gone by,

I’m running into some questions as ‘Why’,

Why so much pain and loneliness?

Where is the sense of belongingness?

Why all this meeting and parting?

Why is my heart aching?

But as usual with no answers to this quest,

To the Almighty, here is my request,

I understand what happened, has happened for the best,

But please give me the strength to stand through this time of test!

Dilemma

Sometimes I wonder what the Life has kept in store for me,

I’m fine with what’s happening but is that how’s it gonna be?

Will there be contentment to the core of every context?

Or is it that I’m gonna loose a bit of it in pretext?

Is there something I’m holding myself back from?

Will it be the one I’ll regret for in the times to come?

Can anyone suggest me what is the remedy for it all?

Why do I fear for what I’ve chosen from the destiny’s stall?

Don’t know where I’m heading to & what turns I’m taking,

Don’t even know how’s it affecting me & which future is in Making

Leaving the rights & wrongs behind, I’m being a bit self-centered,

Losing trust on everyone out there, course of life has got altered,

All the questions I pose to myself, unable to figure out the way,

People claim what do they feel but I don’t believe what they say,

So perplexed, my situation is, that I’m not able to see thru,

And so convoluted the matter is, that I need the courage to be true,

I don’t want to start the ventures, for which I can envision the future,

The future wherein lies the pain and that tells the stories of rupture.

I know, what will be the Outcome, is something that formulates all inceptions,

To follow the suit, even I’ve started building my world around perceptions,

I’m a Loner & would gladly prefer to stay the same,

Rather than flowing with the stream first and later on losing the Game.

Gem

Sometimes along the path of life,

Some things happen to you which are Rife,

They change the way you look at the world,

Without even uttering a single word,

You tend to rely so much upon them,

Happy inside that you've find a true 'Gem',

But slowly and steadily as the time proceeds,

The Charm of the Gem thereby recedes,

Seeing the things not going as you Expect,

Make you look out for that Gem's Defect,

But the things that you perceive wrongly in the process,

Are the results of your Expectations in Excess,

It's neither you nor that Gem that has changed,

Rather, it's the nature's phenomena which is Ranged,

To give you the experience of life's chain,

Some moments of Happiness and some of that of Pain,

The Sorrow in life and Tears in eyes,

It’s only then, when you realize,

The Tendency of Affection as an Emotion,

Gets perturbed by the unexpected reaction,

Based on that if a thing goes wrong,

The matter takes, to settle down, a bit long,

At such a moment, where we get entrap,

Is that we tend to maintain a Gap,

Instead if we'd have gone the other way round,

Bridging up the gap and basing the things on a strong ground

Leaving out the Matter there and then,

And looking back at the moments when

You enjoyed with your Gem without any conditions,

With no buts or maybes and no suppositions,

Making the environment as lighter as possible,

Overlooking some matters and making things plausible,

U'll find your Gem twinkling again the same way,

This time much more strengthened, strived through the Dismay!

Ain't I?

Is this the way I’ll race through the drive?

Is this what I wanna do with my life?

Why do I foul exactly where I shouldn’t be?

Why do I let history repeat itself so easily?

Why do I give up without any aggression?

Understanding everything, still ending up in regression?

Will I be able to get the gravity of matters?

Or always be witnessing my dream as it shatters?

I’m not a kid anymore, that I don’t deny,

But then isn’t it really true that am a failure, ain’t I?

Or else what do they call the one, who doesn’t learn from past?

The one who slows down every time the world around moves fast?

The one who’s content, for no reasons whatsoever?

The one who seems to think that it’s fine to b same forever?

The one who’s neglectant to the world around?

Who thinks that the life is just merry-go-round?

The one who claims to have big dreams,

But none of them were realised it seems,

What else is there now to verify?

It all conveys that am a failure, ain’t I?